I admit with great shame how this whole NaNoWriMo just isn’t happening as well as I hoped this year.
I could give you excuses such as invaders in my office sanctum that constantly interrupts my writing time, or the hours that homeschool demands of me, or that perhaps I bit off more than I could chew with organizing three meetup groups. But they are excuses-
Ultimately, I’m the master of my fate and the captain of my soul, and I think it boils down to acknowledging I’m dealing with depression. Its the ‘why-bother-trying’ attitude that impedes my sleep and energy levels, that carries into everyday things, and I’m left with serious doubts on writing skill let alone the wherewithal to be a writer of any capacity.
What’s funny (peculiar, not amusing) is how often I see this same self-doubt in my fellow writers. We’re connected on Facebook and they often voice the very same feelings of being ‘not good enough’, or ‘why bother? I’m not good at this anyway.”. We remind one another how we’d write regard;ess, and that our reasons to write do not completely rely on our want to see the story in print.
Its often times difficult to keep that in mind, but its true for me. I’ve written stories just for my own enjoyment, and of course there’s the fanfiction that I still get comments from readers who ask for me to continue with the stories.
That’s heartening, and sometimes I read my fanfic reviews to remind myself that at least some folks enjoy my style and word weaving.
So for those of you out there being discouraged with the lack of word counts, or that you feel you won’t make it to the end of the November challenge- Its okay. You’re fine. You’ll glean something out of the process, even if its not a finished manuscript. And that’s perfectly alright.
Its the journey, not the destination.