Fear of success or fear of rejection?

I find myself only recently fired up about submitting my writing for publication, let alone having the confidence to share my stuff outside my writer’s circle and friends. Too shy you ask?
Growing up, my family was harsh in criticism. Once I shared a story with my mother that was twenty pages, front and back, all written out by hand. I was in my teens, and looking back, perhaps too eager for her approval. I’m not sure why I thought she’d give me any. Instead I received an abrupt “I thought it was rather dry reading,” and never an explanation as to why that was. I tore the whole thing up.

So I suppose I carry some of that concern with me, despite loads of feedback at fanfiction.net. That’s where I ‘published’ the only stories that the general public can read. One story of thirty-six chapters had feedback that included ‘best fanfic ever read’ and ‘The most compelling, characterized and interesting Morrowind story I have read’. That certainly helped boost my seriously depleted ego. I also found myself craving feedback. Dare I venture admitting to being a bit of a ‘feedback whore’?

I suppose my biggest obstacle is myself, where I fear of failure so much I do nothing. How can I fail if I don’t try? Deep inside, I realize that by not doing is also a form of failure. One way or another I should discover if I have any talent to consider myself a writer. To do that; I’ll need to submit for publication.

So this year I’ve placed this as my goal and by the Powers the Be, I will accomplish by attempting. I will succeed by submitted by the very act, regardless if I get accepted or rejected. At least I would have tried.

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